WOWZA, entering parenthood has been like a roller coaster ride. Actually more like a tornado, clearing everything in our paths, disappearing and leaving us breathless, confused and bewildered. Being a parent is a full-time job and yes that would be full-time for BOTH my husband and I. Like most new moms, I joined a lot of mommy facebook groups, I follow a ton of mommy bloggers on Instagram and for every 100,000 mommy bloggers out in the blogosphere, there is probably only 1 dad blogger (ok, a bit of an exaggeration but I'm trying to make a point).
Parenting and learning to share the responsibilities with my husband was rough the first few months. Layer in sleep deprivation, dealing with Jekyll and Hyde changing emotions - My poor husband felt like he needed to walk on eggshells around me most days. It was hard for me to let go of the "mom guilt", thinking I had to do everything myself. I learned very quickly that I couldn't do it all on my own and a lot of times, my way of doing things was not always the best way and I needed a lot of help from my husband. My husband is the ROCKSTAR of all fathers and squashes all the traditional stereotypes of being a dad. Because of this, I have to say it - We have to give dads more credit and moms don't always know best.
That saying "moms know best" is a load of crap because I actually feel like in a lot of cases, "dad knows best" and I'm totally ok with it! We've all seen that movie or that commercial where there is a man at the grocery store picking up diapers with a very puzzled look on his face. Or when the mom goes out with her friends for some girl time and cut to the dad at home with the baby looking all clueless. Sure, sometimes these moments can be funny and we have to be able to laugh at them from time to time. But both parents, not just the dad, experience these feelings of cluelessness and puzzlement. I'm just tired of these portrayals of father's that are basically telling us that the roles of mother and father are not interchangeable. BOTH parents play equally important roles in a child's life, not one more over the other.
Yes, we need to give father's more credit but we need to stop giving them credit for simply doing what they are "suppose to be doing". Like giving them praise for changing diapers. Really? You think that my husband, taking my son to the bathroom is a favor to me? Or when other people think I'm LUCKY that I can sleep in a little because my husband has decided to take on the early morning shift or has dinner ready when I return home from work. Or that he’s doing me a SOLID by taking our son to his art class while I go to the gym. Typically, mothers do all of this and we never get praised for it, can you imagine what that would look like? Absurd.
Ladies, think about it before you say it, sometime it comes out automatically and it’s all well intended. But when we praise the fathers for doing what they are supposed to be doing, we fuel the fire and this stereotype. We are also undermining and devaluing the role father’s play in their children's lives and when it comes to their ability to care for our children. And to my husband, the rockstar dad - I won't praise you for all you do for our family, but I sure do appreciate the hell out of all you do for our family and love you to the moon and back.