PARENTING | It's OK to Call Your Toddler a Asshole - Mine Ruined My Life
I may get some slack for writing this but I'm laying it on thick and I'm being honest. Our son is just over two years old - Yes, yes, the "the teary, terrific, tantrum twos". This little munchkin of ours is growing up in leaps and bounds (insert small cry here and heart pang). Every day I wish and yearn for those days when he was a wee baby (insert that feeling of wanting to have a second child for a mere nanosecond). Every day when he learns a new word and when he gives me one of his hearty laughs, my heart lights up (insert huge grin because this mamma is feeling proud).
Now over to the dark side - The tantrums (we are all frustrated), the screaming (sometimes I think he's fake whining), the flailing arms (been smacked in the face many times), the wildly kicking legs (I'm surprised I haven't broken a nose), the biting (oh yes he bites and he thinks it's funny), the scratching (have you tried clipping an active toddler's nails lately?). As for the seasoned parents out there who may be reading this, stop laughing and nodding your head and saying I told you so - It's not helping. Yes, I am crying - No, laughing so hard that I am crying because I often call my son an asshole out loud. First few times I felt bad, but now - GAME ON. Because you know what? It's the real world and we've all been assholes at one point and babies, toddlers, tiny humans are not exempt just because they are cute.
My son, the asshole, whom I love so dearly, whom I'd take a bullet for, who has my heart on a rope forever and ever has ruined my life. You heard me correctly - RUINED my life. I think as first-time parents you go into it thinking you'll be different because we don't know any better. We have all these plans on how we'd do things and how life will be BEFORE the baby arrives. When the baby arrives, all hell breaks loose. You have full intentions of not having your child run your life, "oh our lives won't change too much because we will incorporate him into our lives". Sound all too familiar? Well, I'd hate to serve you up some "reality" but your life doesn't just change, it gets flipped on its head and knocked out of the universe! It actually becomes a whole brand new life. Gone is the old life, so yes...having a child has ruined my life.
I haven't slept in two years (let alone sleep in), I cannot go work out whenever I want, I'm unable to go out for a leisurely brunch, I can't go out for a leisurely anything, I can't have a full conversation with my husband, all I do is clean and pick stuff up, I can't even leave the house sometimes to run personal errands and I can't just pick up and travel to wherever. Life ruined.
So thanks to my sometimes asshole child, for ruining my "old" life. But I just wanted to let you know my love, that you have filled my NEW life with so much more substance. It's a different life, one that has ultimately made me stronger, more resilient, compassionate and mindful and for this, I thank you. However, you're an asshole for ruining my previous life.